If You Want Out Just Say It


It seems to me (but I'm sure, not to the husband) my husband is looking for an out. An out of this marriage that does not have the fault - or decision - resting on his shoulders. I'm not saying it's a conscious thing. In fact, I'm sure it's not. But (always a but!) the fact is, if you look at his reactions, feelings, issues, whatever you want to call it, of the past couple of months, it points to him wanting out. And him not wanting it to be his fault. And him not wanting to have to make the decision. He's not one for making big decisions. He's more of a let it happen to him kind of guy. That way it can never be his fault if it's the wrong decision. Which, for the most part, I've learned to accept.

Here's a time-line for those following along at home*:

Day 0: Have crush on someone other than wife.
Day 7: Wife discovers something is going on and confronts husband. Says she will not go to marriage counselor until he cuts off all contact with crush.
Day 7-14: Husband refuses cutting off of contact saying it's not necessary because he's done nothing wrong. Accuses wife of not willing to work on marriage.
Day 21-27: Visiting marriage counselor. Husband says marriage will never work because in past wife has said the same (but she always worked on it anyway). Wife admits to this and says she feels if they both want it to work and they both work at it - it will.
Day 28-44: Husband feels they are polar opposites and this will never work.
Day 42: Wife starts this blog in secret.
Day 44: Marriage counselor shows him they aren't polar opposites and it is good to have varying approaches.
Day 50: Husband accuses wife of treating him like a cheat and a liar and decides he will not be treated this way.
Day 50-53: Wife is plunged into emotional wreck because he is an ass.
Day 53: Husband realizes he's been acting like an ass and apologizes.
Day 53: Wife realizes this is just the latest in a string of excuses of why this marriage will never work. And it's always her fault. It is exhausting. She has decided to ignore future outbursts and let him deal with it on his own (yeah, right).

*All dates are approximate.