It's all in the details


It seems to me, that men in general like to gloss over the details. They like to ignore the nuances. Maybe it's just the men in my life. Maybe it's most men. I don't know.

I do know that my husband sees no value in the details. He thinks it's perfectly acceptable to relate what HE thinks is important and leave out anything else. I truly believe that is why it seems my intuition is so much better. I need all the details to form an opinion. I need to know the minutia to flesh out the meaning of things. I need to discern what I feel is important and I do not appreciate being told only half the story because he doesn't feel the rest is important or pertinent.

Now I'm not saying that everytime someone speaks there should be a relating of every little detail. My God, I know people who do this and it is not a little annoying. I am saying that when there is a disageement or you're trying to understand something, the details help. When I ASK for the details - TELL ME.

What it comes down to is this: I'm sensitive about a certain area of our life. The area where my husband met his "crush". That area came up recently and even though the particular woman was not involved, a couple others were. I asked whether or not the two women had spoken and he said no. Later he said they did. I asked why he lied to me. And now I'm being accussed of calling him a liar. His defense was that it wasn't important to the conversation and he did mention they spoke. I felt it was important or I wouldn't have asked the question. Regardless, I was breifly angry and then got over it. He is still harboring anger at me for - as he says - treating him like a liar and a cheat. Which hello! Totally was not. There is nothing I can say now to make him get over this and he keeps saying that because of all the good things he's done since "the incident" I should trust him again. He will not go through the rest of his life being treated like this. It's been about 2 months. And honestly, the only reason we're still discussing it is because he has been angry about it for 3 days. THREE DAYS. Because he can't let it go.

I may have overreacted a bit. I have said I was sorry. But he can't let it go. I told him today to go back to counseling. There is nothing more I can do.

It seems that every time I think things are going to be ok something throws me back down the hole again. I hate rollercoasters and this is the worst one I've ever been on.

I honestly feel like he's still looking for an excuse to end this marriage. I wish if that's his goal, he would just do it already.