Love Breaks Your Heart

I was wrong about the IEP testing yesterday. It was a meeting to say, “Yes, we want there to be testing.” And “Yes, the school thinks there needs to be testing.” So now we wait for information from the school which we will sign and send back so they can put him on the schedule for testing. Phrases like, “I work in the summer,” were thrown around. I hate the snail-like speed of these things. Especially considering the heartbreaking tale that was painted of a child that just wants to do well and can’t. The absolute worst is the new thing he does of crying and saying he can’t because he is stupid. No matter how much I try to explain how smart he is and how we all learn differently and how his teachers tell us he is smart, he will not believe.

And he is smart child according to the teachers. Apparently they feel you can have a bad day and do poorly on a test even if you know the material but you can’t ace it by accident. So his high scores combined with his plunging low scores make his grades look similar to a saw blade. They tell us this means he’s smart but struggling with some unseen force that keeps him from focusing or processing or, most likely, a combination of ADD and some as yet unidentified learning disorder. Fun stuff.

I will admit that the fact this is finally getting looked at makes me happy. The fact his reading has improved so much that at nine he can read and comprehend and verbalize facts and concepts makes me thrilled. A year and a half ago I wasn’t sure when or if that would happen. Even in math he seems to understand the concepts but he doesn’t know his math facts so his grades are abysmal.

As frustrating a child as this one is, and he is frustrating and high maintenance and extremely exhausting, he breaks my heart when he is so clearly trying and he just can’t do something. I suppose this is what they call love.