And the door flies open


I suppose it's been a while since I've hung out here. The business of summer was demanding and things were going well so there wasn't much angst to get out. That and I really didn't want this to be one long whine of a blog. On the other hand, that's exactly why I started this blog. I want to keep real life whining to a minimum and thought this would help.

Now as we begin to gear back up for school my husband has been angry. Really angry at me and even he's not sure why. Every time I speak, or look at him he becomes enraged. And last night he got a text message at 12:30am from that woman I've mentioned here before. Actually, I heard the phone vibrate and he was sleeping so I checked to see what his youngest sister wanted since she is the only one I could imagine would text him that late.

Imagine my surprise when I realized it wasn't her. Imagine my surprise when I found out they'd been in touch for the last several? couple? of weeks. Imagine how I felt at 5:30 this morning when I asked him for about the 8th time since last night if he had seen her in person (because he had made an odd reference last night) and this time he told me yes. Two days ago in a Borders.

But it's different this time. It means nothing. Nothing has happened. It is insignificant. It has nothing to do with me.

Except it means he broke a promise to me. It means he's been lying to me. It means he's broken my trust for the second time in the last six months. And this time I'm not sure I'll ever be able to trust him again.

To me it means he made a choice when he picked up the phone and called her (yes, he called her first). He chose her over our marriage. Over me.

When he says he'll close that door and lock it. He will make an appointment for therapy. What does he need to do to fix this... I don't even know what to say. He promised me that door was closed. And then he opened it again. But it means nothing.